What probably won’t happen at Nintendo’s E3 conference…


With a week to go, we pretty much have no idea what is going to happen during Nintendo’s E3 conference. The internet has remained relatively leak free. While in my lab, I was trying to work out exactly what was going to happen during the conference but then an ingenious thought struck me. We’ve been approaching this all wrong, we should be working out what isn’t going to happen during Nintendo’s E3 conference and then work backwards. So I cackled menacingly for hours and got to work. Here are my predictions for what won’t happen. You could even play bingo with my suggestions? Everytime something isn’t announced on my list, tick it off!

  • NINTENDO’S NEW SYSTEM WILL BE A GAMECUBE STRAPPED TO THE BACK OF A CAT

  • This seems unlikely due to Nintendo’s reluctance to involve cats in their work. The main reason that we can discount this theory is some comments from Miyamoto about cats.”Cats are like girls. If they talk to you it’s great, but if you try to talk to them, it doesn’t go so well.”

    Now, I’d say that it is unlikely that Miyamoto straps Gamecubes to the backs of girls (3DSes, maybe, but not Gamecubes) and therefore if he thinks cats are the same as girls then it would seem an unlikely course of action for him to reject his strict ‘no Gamecube strapped to girls’ policy. Another reason is that Reggie seems unaware of the location of the cats and frequently asks himself where they are. If you strapped a Gamecube to the back of a cat then you would probably hear the cat dragging itself around and would therefore not misplace them.

  • NINTENDO WILL REFUND ALL CUSTOMERS WHO BELIEVE THAT THEY HAVEN’T RECIEVED THE EYE STRAIN AND HEADACHES THAT THEY WERE EXPECTING UPON INITIAL PURCHASE OF 3DS

  • Nintendo are unlikely to want to refund that many people. Also apparently, eye strain and headaches are bad things and people didn’t want them so most people are actually quite happy that 3DS didn’t deliver on it’s promise.
  • IWATA WILL SAY SOME NICE THINGS ABOUT APP GAMING

    • This is impossible. There are no nice things to say about app gaming.
  • EVERYONE WILL BE PLEASED

    • Okay, this is an actual serious one. There is absolutely no way that every single person is going to walk away from Nintendo’s E3 conference smiling with no complaints. In fact, the majority of us will have some sort of complaint or disappointment. It is Nintendo’s job to minimise the complaints, minimise the disappointment and have as many people walk away from the conference optimistic. The problem with the hype surrounding Nintendo’s conference has been that if they can’t live up to that then people are gunna be crushingly disappointed. And frankly, some of the hype will be impossible to live up to. The controller isn’t going to be-able to beam happiness directly into your mouth and the system isn’t going to run on magic dust excreted by unicorns. If the system is more powerful than PS360, has decent online and plays my favourite Nintendo franchises then I’m in. If the system also has some excellent third party support then I’m definitely in and if it shows us some more trademark Nintendo innovation and surprises then I’m even more in. That’s all I need. If it doesn’t deliver on this stuff then I’ll stick with my 3DS for my Nintendo fix and I’ll wait to see if the other guys at Sony and Microsoft can offer me something more appealing for my home console. My point is, this close to E3, let’s not hype this thing up too much and to something that is unachievable. Let’s keep our hopes grounded and avoid disappointment. I’m confident that what Nintendo showcases this year will be something great but let’s not go nuts.

    Roll on E3!

    Here’s the details you need to know.

    1. Be with us on Tuesday the 7th at this very page live from 09:00 PDT (San Francisco) / 12:00 EDT (New York) / 14:00 BRT (Rio de Janeiro) / 17:00 GMT (London) / 18:00 CEST (Berlin) / 18:00 (Jerusalem) / 22:30 IST (New Delhi) / 01:00 (08.06.11) HKT (Hong Kong).
    2. If you are out and about we will have light analysis via our social media feeds
    1. Like our Nintendo Scene Facebook Page
    2. Follow our Nintendo Scene Twitter Feed
  • And please do comment on the announcement before, during and after here.
  • Comments
    4 Responses to “What probably won’t happen at Nintendo’s E3 conference…”
    1. nintymadden says:

      I lol’d hard at the Reggie where’s the cats reference! 🙂

      Like

    2. ManiLink says:

      The best article on the site yet! 😀

      Like

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