Nintendo’s Olympic Dream Team!

The Olympics is in full swing now and the medals have been flying in thick and fast! You can really see how these athletes have refined their greatest qualities and are now using them to grab gold in their respective events. I was wondering though, what if Nintendo sent a team to the Olympics. Who’d be in it? Who’d be best suited for the events on offer? Well in the name of fun let’s have a go at listing a few events for Team Nintendo’s athletes to compete in!

Running events – Samus and Link

Samus Aran may not be an obvious choice for a runner what with all that armour but with the Speed Booster she can certainly move quickly! She’d bash all competitors right out of the way, not even hurdles would stop her, she’d just smash straight through them as well! Link would also be a useful addition to the running team. You might not think he can run that fast but Link would just slip on those Pegasus Boots of his and be well on his way. There’d be a slow start of course as he’d pace on the spot for a couple of seconds, but after that there’d be no stopping him (provided nobody presses a different direction on the D-Pad)!

Marathon – Mario

The marathon needs an athlete who can endure and that has to be Mario. He’s been knocking about now for over 25 years and with over 100 game appearances under his belt he’d surely be able to endure 26 miles!

The Relay – Team Yoshi (with Baby Mario as the baton)

The Yoshis are more than used to passing young Baby Mario along to each other. This would be a piece of cake to them, just a simple case of run round the track and belt Baby Mario at the other Yoshi. Simple!

Triple Jump – Mario

The triple jump event is an easy event to pick a character for. It can only be Mario! The Italian Plumber has spent his whole career jumping and the triple jump has been part of his repertoire for years now! Ya, Wah, Yahooooo!

Long Jump – Yoshi

The long jump is all about getting as far as possible in one jump and who better for that than Yoshi? Sure, Mario has one heck of a long jump in him but Yoshi, as if by magic, can peddle the air like a bicycle and gain extra airtime allowing him to sail further and further along.

High Jump – Kirby

I don’t think there’s anyone on the Nintendo roster that can jump as high as Kirby can. If he was any lighter he’d float off into the stratosphere! They’ll have to put that bar pretty high up to stop the little pink blob from winning gold!

Discus – Donkey Kong

There are plenty of characters who could do well in this event but I’ve decided to pick Donkey Kong based on his ability to spin round and round really fast in the Super Smash Bros games. If he could transfer this skill into the discus event I reckon he could fling it right out of the stadium!

Hammer Throw – Mario

With Mario’s experience of swinging Bowser around and around and pinging the poor Koopa King into conveniently placed bombs on the outskirts, the hammer throw should be a natural fit for him. I’m not too sure if Bowser will be cool with Mario using him as practice however…

Shot Put – Bowser

The shot put requires brute strength and angry roars! Step up Bowser. I’m sure he would be cool with using Mario as practice in this one…

Gymnastics – Sheik

Sheik is the best candidate Nintendo have to compete in the gymnastics. With her flexibility and grace she could handle most of the events in the competition, and if all else fails just throw a Deku Nut into the judges’ box!

Trampoline – Kirby

Kirby on a trampoline? Sounds a bit bizarre at first but the little pink airbag could get some big air by turning himself into a rock and then coming out of it when the trampoline fabric hits the floor. Once he’s in the air he can do all the crazy moves he can muster provided he isn’t left splattered on the ceiling.

Cycling events – Pokémon trainer

The Pokémon trainers have got plenty of cycling experience under their belts what with travelling up and down the lands of Kanto, Johto, Sinnoh and Hoenn. Their legs must be the strongest of all the Nintendo characters and with a bike worth 1,000,000 there won’t be anyone in the velodrome to compete with them! Not even the Brits!

Swimming – Zora Link

Link is a decent swimmer on his own but with the Zora mask from Majora’s Mask he would be formidable in the pool! Hopefully the Olympic committee won’t disqualify him for using all these items; they can’t say he isn’t trying…

Diving – Link

Well Link’s already got himself wet in the pool so he might as well compete in the diving as well. He’s the Zora’s Domain waterfall diving champion of course. I’ve never really seen him do flips or anything but hey he hits the water cleanly enough, just toss a few rupees in there and he’ll be off!

Water Polo – A team of Zoras

Nobody is more at home in the water than the Zoras so naturally the Nintendo water polo team would have to be made up of the water based creatures from The Legend of Zelda!

Boxing – Little Mac

Little Mac is Nintendo’s plucky underdog and it was thought he’d been retired until he emerged again in Punch-Out!! on the Wii. It’s unknown what future plans Nintendo have for him, if any, but surely he’s got it in him for one last rumble! He’s the ultimate underdog and his name fits in quite well with the sponsors too…

Fencing – Meta-Knight

Fencing requires the fastest swordsman in the business and that man can only be Meta-Knight! Have you seen the speed of his sword attacks in Super Smash Bros Brawl? Nobody would stand a chance against him!

Weightlifting – Donkey Kong

In the weightlifting category it can only be Donkey Kong or Bowser who would be able to lift the heaviest weights. I’m not really convinced Bowser can even reach down to pick up the barbell so I’m afraid I’ll have to choose the big Kong! He wouldn’t disappoint!

Archery – Link, Shinon and Pit

The archery would require a bowman of the greatest skill and Nintendo are quite lucky to have three archers who have the ability to hit the big numbers! Pit, Shinon and Link would all be unbeatable as a team and on their own. The whole podium would be Nintendo!

Shooting – Fox and Falco

The StarFox team should have Nintendo covered in the shooting events. Though they’re probably more comfortable blasting bogeys in the air, they’ve proven that they can shoot from the ground too. I’m not sure if the Olympics allow their laser blasters but if they’re letting Link use Pegasus Boots then why not?

Wrestling – Wario

Wario in spandex, the less said the better. Don’t tune into this one, just get the results online…

Judo – Machamp

In judo you must grab your opponent and haul them to the ground, an extra pair of arms wouldn’t go a miss then. Machamp should have the contest sewn up pretty quickly!

Taekwondo – Hitmonlee

Hitmonlee doesn’t exactly specialise in taekwondo but I reckon he’d be Nintendo’s best shot at a gold medal in this event! Who knows, if Little Mac can’t make it in the boxing maybe there’s a chance for Hitmonchan to compete alongside his dojo buddy!

Sailing – Link and the King of Red Lions

The sailing events would require a character who has experience in the water. That character has to be Link, or Toon Link if you prefer. He is more than used to sailing around with the King of Red Lions throughout Wind Waker and they could handle anything the water throws at them. When you have the power to literally change the direction of the wind you are bound to be a hot favourite!

Canoe Slalom – Diddy Kong and Enguarde

That’s a funny looking canoe you have the Diddy…

Tennis – Mario & Luigi; Peach & Daisy

Thanks to Mario Tennis there are quite a few characters who could compete for Nintendo here. The best all-rounders of course, as always, are Mario and Luigi so they’d get the nod in the Men’s Doubles and Peach and Daisy for the Women’s doubles. Can Mario get gold in the individual event? It depends if any power moves appear on court or not…

Table Tennis  – Waluigi

With those long arms Waluigi could take control of most of the table and would be able to return most shots like a crazy arm wailing purple octopus. Maybe if he got gold he’d get his own game. Nah.

Badminton – Ice Climbers

The badminton events are on a small court and in the doubles events it requires team-mates to be on the same page throughout. Is there any Nintendo pairing who are more in-tune with one-another than the Ice Climbers? Not to mention the fact that their hammers would produce a lot more power than a badminton racket…

Equestrian events – Link and Epona

For the equestrian events Link is back again! But this time he can give his legs a rest and let Epona do most of the work! Epona is fast and can make it over the tallest of fences, all Link has to worry about is not running out of carrots…

What do you reckon then? Feel free to disagree with my choices and of course add to them! There are still some events unaccounted for (rowing, pole vault, javelin, volleyball etc) so feel free to put forward your suggestions! I reckon they’d bag a few medals; they’d at least beat Sony and Microsoft’s teams anyway! Go Team Nintendo!

4 Responses to “Nintendo’s Olympic Dream Team!”
  1. Hannah says:

    Imagine Link and Epona doing horse dancing hahahaHA. No wait, sorry ‘DRESSAGE’.


  2. Amaris says:

    This is the funniest thing ever. Love it.


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